10 Ways a Man Can Get Laid…

10 Ways a Man Can get Laid….

Okay, maybe not guaranteed, but I did some casual surveys among friends and here are a few ways to up your odds of having sex tonight.

  1. Tell her to put her feet up and you will take care of the kid’s dinner and homework.
  2. Come out of the shower with just a towel on and make sure you give her a hug so she can sniff you.  Really.  This even works for men a little out of shape.  Don’t underestimate her olfactory senses.
  3. Don’t talk about your crappy day or your evil boss.  If she asks, just say you had a fine day and everything was okay.  This makes you look IN CONTROL and NOT A VICTIM.  Women don’t have sex with victims.
  4. Turn off the freakin’ video games.  Seriously, guys.  It makes you look like a kid and I don’t want to fuck a kid.  I want to fuck a man.
  5. Rub her shoulders, then start kissing her neck.  The neck thing gets us every time.  Bonus points for trailing those kisses down our spine all the way to the sensitive skin behind our knees.
  6. Be a man, not a doormat.  Most women like a man to take the lead.  Pick a damn restaurant.  Plan the date.  Don’t walk on eggshells waiting for our approval.  Secure men get sex more often.
  7. Don’t make her be your mother.  Remember your own dentist appointment for chrissake.  No one wants to fuck their mother.
  8. Pull her down on your lap and tickle her.  Make her laugh.  Don’t make a grab for her tits.  Wait for her to grab your Johnson.  She will, have faith.
  9. Tell her she smells awesome  No, you don’t have to tell her she is the most beautiful or the skinniest – she won’t believe you anyway.
  10. Learn to give great head.  I’ll give you all the head you want right back, every freakin’ day, but that tongue needs to get some exercise.
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